Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt speaks during a campaign stop at the Circle 9 Ranch Campground Bingo Hall, Tuesday, Sept. 3, 2019, in Epsom, N.H. (AP Photo/Mary Schwalm)

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When asked whether I would watch the 7 hours of televised debate on climate change between Democratic candidates, I replied that it reminded me of the scene from the classic movie “Airplane,” where the character Ted Striker is relating the story of his failed career and romance, and the person sitting next to him is pouring gasoline over himself. Although pouring whiskey might have been more effective.

So, no, I didn’t watch the ‘debate’ but have read the follow-up stories (along with other coverage, including candidates' websites) to generate the table below summarizing a number of salient points. Not all numbers are comparable, showing different periods, definitional differences, etc., but they should be informative. I've tried to rely on only recent commentary and positions, but can't pretend this is definitive.

Summary of Positions

The author

The Pogo “We have met the enemy and he is us” Award goes to: Nobody. None seem to acknowledge that emissions come from the public, as opposed to, say, corporate polluters. (Andrew Yang comes closest; see next item.)

The Huey Long “Don’t tax you, don’t tax me, tax that fellow behind that tree” award goes to: The entire slate, save Andrew Yang. A couple seem to support cap-and-trade, but from what I can tell, all treat the idea of a carbon tax as the third rail of climate change policy. Taxes are something paid by other people, primarily corporations.  (Compare and contrast with Trump’s insistence that China pays for import tariffs.)  Only Yang suggests taxing emissions.

The “Negative Patient Outcome” euphemism award goes to: Again, the entire slate for proposing to “invest” rather than “spend”. One story included 13 references to ‘invest,’ none to ‘spend,’ for example.

The Carl Sagan “Billyuns and Billyuns” award goes to Bernie Sanders, for suggesting a $16 trillion climate change program. (Talk about inflation!)